I awoke at 3:00 AM. As I lay there in the stillness of the night, a small streak of light came through the window from the streetlight. I gave a long stretch, let out a sigh, and whispered, “Let the journey begin.” As my feet touched the floor, I had peace in my heart. It wasn’t about where I had been in recent months, but rather I had peace about where my life was headed.
I jumped in the shower, made my coffee, fed the cats, packed the rental car with my luggage, keyed in my destination address to the GPS, left a note for my house sitter, and was on the road at exactly 3:59 AM. As I drove the car Southwest on I-44, there was peace in my heart that I had not felt for quite some time. I had someone close to me accuse me of “running from something,” when in reality, I was running towards something. I was leaving the toxicity in my life behind, while heading forward to create a wonderful life for me and my children.
Twenty-three hours later, I arrived at my first stopping place. As I pulled into the mountains of Sedona, Arizona, I still had peace. It was 6:00 AM on December 31, 2013. I sat on the top of a mountain vortex bundled up with my favorite yoga blanket, sipping a delightful cup of coffee, and watching the sunrise over the Eastern sky. It was beautiful, peaceful, and it represented the dawning of a new day…a day that had been long overdue. As I sat on the top of that red rock mountain, I heard an audible voice say ever so clearly, “Detach from your past so that you can attach to your future.” Upon hearing those words, I had a chill run from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head. It felt like a vacuum was sucking all stale energy out of my body. Immediately, I knew why God had led me to this mountain…I knew what my day was about to consist of…A funeral would take place before the sunset on that same day, the last day of 2013.
After hours of contemplating and reflecting on pivotal circumstances in my life, I realized that a great and wonderful life was waiting, but God couldn’t deliver it to me until I buried my past. That afternoon while hiking along a ridge, I did something I should have done years ago. I wrote letters to my abusers, and I buried them in a small grave. I spent hours on that mountain writing, reflecting, purging, crying, and screaming. At the end of the day, I found the same peace that I had found while watching the sunrise that morning.
As I woke on January 1, 2014, a new life began. I didn’t look back. I was only looking forward. The entire day was spent with a man by the name of Yogi Blair that I met on my journey. We spent 6 hours hiking through the Vortexes, meditating, talking, and doing yoga on mountain tops. It ranked as one of the most amazing days of my life.
After four days in Sedona, I drove up to the mountains of Ouray, Colorado, where I spent three days receiving great clarity for my future. I stayed in the most amazing Bed and Breakfast, bathed in the hot springs, drank at the brewery every night, sat by a fireplace, wrote chapters for my next book, and walked the snow covered streets of the rustic town that had a 360 degree view of the snow covered mountains.
I left Ouray for the final leg of my journey, which was about to take me back to a place that I had not been in 43 years. I drove through the final night to arrive in a small town in Eastern Kansas. It was somewhere I knew I had to return to in order to move forward. Ever since I opened “The Box” on October 4th (you can read about it here), I knew I had to return to where my abuse started at the age of three. This was the day. As my car pulled into the outskirts of Clay Center, Kansas, I felt my pulse start racing, chills went up my spine, and I felt a cloud of darkness cover my soul. My initial instinct was to turn my car around and race away as fast as I could. However, the strength inside me knew I had to finish this leg of my journey. That day, I did something that was long overdue. I faced my demons for the final time.
These are just the highlights from my incredible spiritual journey. It is is written in much greater detail in my upcoming book trilogy about the story of my life.
What are your demons? What part of your past is holding you from receiving the blessings of your future? Remember, in order to move forward, sometimes we must look in that rearview mirror. I spent decades of my life letting my past define my future. Don’t make the mistake I made. Instead embrace your past, face your demons, bury the hurt, scream out the anger, but most importantly, find peace from within.
How do you get peace? You bless your curses. It might sound odd, but in order to find peace, you have to turn them into blessings. For years, I spent my time hating people, places, and things. Now, I look at them as if I am a third party looking from the outside in. I have been able to detach from them enough to say, “That is not who I am now.” I find blessings in my child abuse years. Why? Because it molded me into the strong, beautiful, sexy, loving, passionate woman I am today.
EXERCISE FOR DETACHING FROM YOUR PAST
Take out a piece of paper and write out the things in your past that keep you from moving forward. Be honest with yourself. For each item it keeps you from moving into your future, write out three blessings for each item. As an example, if you are bitter over a divorce, you might choose three things such as: 1) I am blessed that I have my wonderful children as a result of that union, 2) I am grateful that we got to build a house together, that I still find love and peace in, and 3) We traveled to some wonderful places that I got to experience. It doesn’t matter what the items are, as long as they are true in your heart. You can’t just say the blessings. You must FEEL the blessings.
Live with passion,
-Author and Motivational Speaker-